Thursday, April 16, 2015

So much!

I have to write, now and no other time for I am brimming with emotions & immense love. 
Saying “I love you”, feeling & meaning it, all at once, can be a rare occasion.  
It is such moment now, when my mind is clear, my beauty has come out of veil, the corners of my lips can’t stay still, and this bodily case of mine is so voraciously absorbed by your persona & goodness, that it might just consume its very own soul. Not that my soul would notice, it has long forgotten & dissolved itself.

Love cannot be true to itself without madness. And as insane & crazy as I am, 
I only thrive loving you to the bits, from the smallest particles of my blood, together with all the vessels of flesh, in symphony with all the music that runs within me. 
It is such moment now, when my madness has escaped, and unwarranted it’s infusing me with all the love, carving a higher meaning, immortalizing whatever the hell is happening to me now. 

And now the strokes of my breath, thump of my eye lashes, gurgles of veins, conversation of kisses we have had, narratives of your touch, all the inane battles conquered, laughs composed, tears shed, every single recollection of our togetherness, it’s all tapping to the tunes, taking me higher, bringing me close to my salvation, to know what it is to love.


I love you, J.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Closure!


The White Room was peaceful.
That evening was delightfully lonely.
That bubble bath with cans of beer at her feet, was weaving new threads of liberty.
But Then she was interrupted!
Dizzy in her head, she stepped out to take the call.
Unaware of what was coming her way, she dressed.
She went out with her new colleagues to take a bite, and never returned the same strength personified alpha woman as she was.
That trickle of disgust turned into deluge in no time, she started looking at people around her with slight.
That city was doing her shameless act again, filling her with all sort of emotions, reminding her of all the questions that were left unanswered. She had made peace with it, didn’t she?
She tried to get hold of her senses; she tried to battle her weak replica ready to overpower her.
She tried to extract the happiness out of material tools of the world, she tried to walk, she tried…but in vain.
That city will spare no one, especially her!
She looked into the mirror, into her soul one last time, then she sinned!
It was joyous, depressing, exciting, it was breaking bad!
It was hurtful, mean, confusing, it was pretty looking mess!
She was slow, cautious and she lied.
She thought she would close the loose ends, and it will be over once and for all.
It dint stop, it took her by the force.

Her pride told her, its ok, and she can still put it to an end.
The harm was still afar smiling at her, waiting to pound, knock her down.
The destiny offered her the escape route, made her touch base with her world again.
Her world had its arms open, it cradled her, purged her lies, gave her all the warmth and sent her back in the time to re live & re do.
She thought, she will settle the score this time
With time, with pain, with city, with people who disregarded her.
She changed her skin, switched her rationality off and plunged into the mess.
Deep, Deep she went.
Built the castles, the memories, the brilliant bubble of happiness.
She denied justifying; she refused to make sense, to answer.
She cut herself open, for it to see through her.
To see, how much she could do, how crazy and brutally honest she was.
To see, the pile of rejection hiding at the corner, the pile, which turned rock solid after all these years.

She was coming full circle, but it wasn’t easy.
She was alert & deep down she knew what she wanted, but it wasn’t easy.
She was asked again, questioned, and pleaded to.
She saw the tears, she listened to the predicament, & hesitatingly she accepted!
It can’t be, No, It wasn’t meant to be. No, No, No with all my heart, She said to herself
She dint know how to say No, she thought it was easy.
Then she heard the cacophony!
You thought you will settle the score? You thought, you could do it & it won’t come back at you and your world. Ah, grossly mistaken, you Delhite.
She dint know what was happening, it was all lost.
All that she had earned in her life, she had lost her dearest herself.
The one she was so proud of.
It was over, everything, her life, the world she stabbed.
She lay there hopeless & almost dead, her courage had left her, her lights were all vanquished!
Everything was dusted, But her world.

She had stooped so low, she forgot to look up and figure who had her back, why she was still breathing?
Her world took her & said, Its not going to be easy, but we will get there. Do you want to restart?
She dint believe her ears, was this possible? Could she be given another chance? Was this a trick?
Can my world ever understand what I did & why I did it?
Will it understand that it was important for me to close it?
Her world wasn't even paying attention to her boggling doubts.
It just said, I know, I understand, I am here, we will get through this together.

And so, she rekindled her courage, resolved to make it right, to do what it takes, to douse the flames, to end what was started years ago, to close the much dragged chapter of her Life .
She dint explain, why, when, how? She just said, No, and that was it. The closure.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Dilli dil hai!

The very idea that one city is better than other is semblance in itself. A place alone can never be good, better, sad. It is the people that makes one place worth living. Now again, the definition of good people that make a good society or city is subjective. It is solely your preferences aligning with others that strikes the deal.
My parti pris about Dilli and a little soft corner for mumbai has always been there. I wished to shift to mumbai for sometime, and i always presumed that it is the city that attracts me. Off late, i started getting uncomfortable and sought reasons to be away from that place. This time, it got on my nerves and i decided never to go back. Fortunately or unfortunately, i happened to read an article on Mumbai, the writer was a delhite settled in Mumbai. I dont have the article but this is what i replied


Thank you for writing this post!
i stumbled upon this post & it triggered a sense of urgency to comment on this.
i went throughh the painful process of registering & all.. becoz i so want to outpour all my frustation somewhere!
I am delhite!
I love mumbai...its super amazing & safe! and I am counting days to go back.
Yes Delhi is not safe, auto walas are mean, people are mean..& moreover its a conservative city!
We are angrier breed of human! We like to get into fights! We have no patience!
But Just like the weather we live in extremes!
We dont carry frustation & we dont justify everything by saying we dont have time!
Mumabi is a busy city..but that's the way people have chosen it to be!
Now i know mumbai is costly & all..people got to earn the living..
Mind you economic trends are due to variety of factors..cost of living increases becoz demand increases!

Delhi is not indifferent & its not "Mind your business people", No matter how crowded the buses, metros are!
We never forget who the old, women,kids are!
The aap & haanji is included in our speech appropriately !!
We dont hesitate to help with the bags if you dont have place to sit/stand!
We dont stomp people!
You must really have a bias to talk about traffic!!!:) Churchgate to vikhroli 3 hours!!!!!
Not even ghaziabad to manesar takes this amount of time!
Yes we swear in hindi, so do you in marathi & english!
& oh the food,  how i crave for non arahar ka daal!!!
Ironically I am a maharashtrian brought up in delhi..& i better die in peace rather than the hustle bustle of Mumbai!
I know I may be biased..just like this post is..but Delhi lives in my heart & beats with me!
I can easily bear the scorching heat for months..to live monsoons & the divine winters!!!
Somehow i can never be objective about this issue!

मंज़र!

कोनो से आ ही जाती है, कीचड़ की छींटे
सुबकती हू, बिलखती हू, सहती  हू 

रुक ही जाती है, दबी दबी सी होंसले की नब्ज़ 
झंझोरती हू,  टटोलती हू, सहलाती हू

पर्दों से छिपता नहीं, तेरा "क्यू " का सवाल 
झुकती हू,  मुड़ती हू, मरती हू 

बिखर जाती है, हर सहर, प्रीत, शाम 
संजोती हू, पिरोती हू, सवांरती हू

To be contd..

Friday, April 20, 2012

The Room!
The big white Room waited for her for years, it lay there dead with its doors jarred, windows curtained for ages. The stool patiently crowned itself in front of the mirror waiting for someone to sit & grace herself. Though neat & properly maintained it was, yet the floor was cold & unfamiliar to naked steps. The chairs majestically screamed to ingest a living creature & the wind crashed back disappointingly every passing second.
She entered the room & traced her steps as if she had been there forever, the balcony was beaming out of the joy for her newly found existence, the white light kissed the walls & they consummated.
She lay awake on the bed staring at clouds, The Room was never so much its essential being...never was she!

Thursday, December 29, 2011


"Gunguna ehsaas hu tere liye, ek ghana vishwas hu tere liye,
Pankh faila ke zara ud ke to dekh, ek khula aasmaa hu tere liye"

Friday, September 2, 2011

Madcap Dissonance!!

What a day...Mad Rush...and it still is not over yet. This day never really started, its like a continuation of yesterday. For some reason it wouldn't even stop/end because again tomorrow will be continuation of today. Since today wont end either to mark the beginning of tomorrow. Very blurry, days have become. So in a way, she has missed/will be missing two days of her life. Why two days? This cycle can go on forever....well she will make sure she halts and put an end to it.
She was amused to Push herself today(yesterday), it was fun..running on escalator like a firebrand..her chin up..looking into the eyes wretched humanoids..her pectus filled with air. As a result of the physical overstretch, that trickle of blood made her feel even more powerful. She felt as if she had twisted a rope beyond it elasticity and a thread had singled itself away from others.
The water in her eyes was hurling up in her ear, turning into a tornado, ready to sweep her away but that continuous tear of the blood wall... inch by inch.. within her was pulling her back.
"I don't give a damn about wall street and private equity, its all Greek to me. Oh Plz go away!", Said she.

Her alter ego is thirsty, please someone give her some water, she had a rough day today!