Fall of the chiseled soul

It was a usual day...the same mechanical..humdrum beginning of the day...same routine..same faces ..same urge to go back home and doze off….Yet another day of my rather useless..aimless..uncertain life.
Reached office…checked mails…investigated the bug in application recently reported by customer…..i dint know how long I worked….the grunge rock music that I have been introduced to lately seems to have worked wonders…helps me lose the track of time.It was 1 in the noon..and even the restlessness to smoke did not hitherto arouse.. what a trans!!!!... I went out to smoke anyway…I prefer taking the stairs all the way up to TOPMOST terrace…its peaceful this time of the day…
I lit my “Montana”, puffed…and muted the world for a minute…hate the voices in my head…the never stopping Brownian motion otherwise…
Why do I do this to myself??? Why have I turned into an indifferent bitch??why nothing and no one matters to me???i don’t smile often…don’t talk…don’t call and meet people…at the beginning I thought its just another phase…but hell…its not coming to end…its just going on and on…??Why?? Just because……
The cigarette finished…before the vortex of thoughts could sweep me off…
I went back to work…
As my clock struck 4.15..i packed my bags..cleaned the mess at my workstation..used tissues,coffee cups..chocolate wrappers..scribbled notes..and what not..anyways..now i just had to pass another 15 minutes...i browsed random sites..and then exactly on 4.25..my conscience gonged..”WINDOWS+L” and I was out.
I was the first to Board the bus, that’s what i prefer, hate to see their faces... hate to hear them talking..something owing to my growing bitterness for society…and anyways I had a long lonely retsless night yesterday occupied with equally commoving thoughts…so no point taking any chance
By the time people started buzzing in...I had my headphones in place…and..was in different world altogether..I did not realize how far I have reached when a jolt drew me out of my dreams.To my surprise there were hardly 3 people onboard tucked up in their seats..asleep. I looked out of the window…to exact the position of bus..we were at india gate…one of my favorite places in Delhi…I unlatched the window..and the gentle moist breeze unhesitating touched my face tangentially…it was so pleasant that I couldn’t help smiling..I slid the window glass wide open…to let it touch my soul…and cleanse it.
I offered it to absorb me…pleaded not to loathe me…not to go away and deprive me of this minuscule cheerful moment…and…in answer it started pouring down.
I let myself making most of it…respecting the moment that has arrived..celebrating life…and being plain happy….i decided to get down a mile before and take a walk home...it was just so beautiful…I was smiling to myself…enjoying the isolation.
I reached home…and unlike every other day..i did not hate myself for wasting another day…cribbing and sobbing how…I have lost the sense of living life and stopped dreaming...i did not end up sleeping over it… rather I made myself a cup of coffee…stood at the window…and watched the clouds and earth settling down…after downpour…
I couldnt help crying…the tears fell silently on my hand…I made no sound…tried not to hold it…I was crying after ages…..
i stood there until dark….with tears streaming down..and not willing to stop…why it had to end???Why it ceased so fast???