What a wonderful Day!!
WHAT-A-(PAUSE)-WONDER-(WITH ALL THE EMOTIONS)-FUL-DAY!!
I slept blissfully last night, got up only to find myself happy, positive and soo geared up.
I think 3 days in hell made me see the existing beauty of my life.
I am not cribbing and definitely No desultory thoughts.
I enjoyed every bit of my time yesterday with the best people i can find.
Gotta thank GOD for today!!

Love the lyrics!!

Meri Zindagi Main Teri Baarish Kya Hui
Mere Raste Darya Bane Behne Lage
Meri Karvaton Ko Tune Aake Kya Chhua
Kahin Khwab Neendon Ki Gali Rehne Lage

Jeene Ke...Kinare Mil Gaye
Bichre the kinaare Mil Gaye

Meri Loh Havaaon Se Jhagadkar Lee Uthi
Mere Har Andhere Ko Ujale Pee Gaye
Tune Hasken Mujhse Muskurane Ko Kaha
Mere Man Ke Mausam Gulmohar Se Ho Gaye

One enchanting song..its way too beautiful to even express it here, the kind of emotions it evokes are best felt and cannot be penned.Such depth in each and every sentence and yet so very simple.One song that always exhilarates me

It will come to me!

I should be studying right now...
I have bawled out everyone at home and around, have refused to do my chores.
I can be so mean some times..well most of the times.
I am dog tired, my back is hurting, my neck stiff and sored.
But, this is my one last chance to shine and rise.
I feel so useless!!
I gotta do it..for the love of "Salad days"
Yeah..:) i am gonna name it "Salad Days", sounds and means so much better than "The Ugly toe"(Sparing the details for some other time)
Salad Days means young carefree days..:)
I am happy!!!
Just few days days of toil,pushing phase shifts, deadlines,and everything else will get me there.
And i am never out of breath for the dream i have for years now.
I am recharged!!!!

Yeah YEah!

Dont tell me, No job will be satisfying.
Dont tell me, Money will never be enough.
Dont tell me, Its not the end of LIFE.
Dont tell me, i missed on knowing people because i presumed there cant be any worse
Dont tell me, Marriage is not worth too big an anticipation.
Dont tell me, I am emotional and unreasonable.
Dont tell me, Hating never helps
Dont tell me, Parents are your best pals.
Dont tell me, It will be over before i will know
Dont tell me, I am just an ungreatful cribber
I KNOW THAT ALREADY, BUT...LIKE A FOOL I WILL WAIT TILL IT HIT ME HARD!

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for"

"Go on, jog on, walk on, goodbye, bon voyage, fuck off."

"One day at a time!!!"

My Bucket list

1. To cover all the famous eating joint in the world
2. To watch top 5000 movies
3. Trek Great himalayas
4. Get a star tatooed on my neck
5. Taste all the wines/liqour/shots
6. Make up with all the lost friends
and so on!

So be it!!

Its been so long and i havent dared to miss them!
Seasons have past and i have shelved myself conveniently
It was a good time indeed, one of the best time for that matter.
The anger,infact the expression of anger was a vice i could never deal with appropriately.
My misplaced sense of self righteousness has dragged me to this point where I dont like my so called people, and i choose not to believe what they claim to be.
I have to admit, i miss my self and my crazy days.
I miss to be naive, ingenuous and sweet hearted.No one should be taught to indurate themselves.
Life is lot better being a maudlin,impassivity is overrated.
Ah we could have had more happier times together!!!
I cant do much..so be it.
But i wish someday when we all fool the concept of sobriety and relearn to be kids,we bump into each other and raise the toast again!!

pursuit of demise

I Wish closing the eyes and dozing off was as simple as it used be.
Wish, that constant sound in my mind could be damped down.
Wish, I could unlearn the art of pushing myself beyond the threshold.
Wish, there was a peaceful place in reality like those in my dreams.
Wish, I could stop this cycle of chase and run.
Wish, I could cut myself open and cry till the last ounce of energy is exhausted.
I have heard, in deserts people dehydrate to death…and that death is slow and sweet…sort of a high…everything seems to blur…fade. Everything seems distant..The hot shining sun starts to cool down..and you ask it to emrace yourself…You snap down and let yourself immerse in sand..and without a noise u die.
I wish I die when I am high!

Fading Dream of Yesterday

Ever imagine a life with a white backdrop….a backdrop so white that that it outshines every colorful details of your life.Its hard to imagine, but I chanced upon to have a glimpse of it.I had this dream last night where everything was just normal but there were no colors,now don’t be mistaken, it wasn’t a grayscale dream, No blacks No gray.Only White!!!!
Come to think of it, how is that possible? Whatever, it wasn't any pleasant.The constant feeling as if everything is fading out and out resulted into a Bad morning followed by an entire hopeless day.
All day I was thinking how that would be without any color around. Without my greens, blues and violets. This inherent dependency on colors, this extreme symbolization of everything by colors can cripple you sometimes.
The woman, who wore mauve for the wedding that day, graced herself with the RED sindoor and GOLD mangalsootra didn't know that was the end of colors for her. Unaware of the storm that will sweep her Man and only kid today, she blissfully played with colors one last time. The bangles, the paithani,the anklet, the kumkum and all that a simple married woman yearn for. Her Man and kid equaled her colors. All decked up for the fate that awaited them for years under the green tree. The irony is they went to mark the beginning of a couple when they met their own grim demise .In a second the woman lost all the colors of her life, all that was there in her simple life.
Sometimes GOD gets so cruel with you. It tricks you to believe whatever is offered to your LIFE is the heaven you were seeking, then as a spectator see you hit the glory and right then, right then snatches it away.Oh so wicked, you GOD!!!
You are left there on the edge to see nothing but a veil you had upon yourself…the mirage created for you had broken and Life as DARK as it is churning you in its blackhole.
I wish there were no colors, but I wish not.
Life is all about colors, that’s the beauty of it. I wish each one of us experience as many colors as one can.
But again, the colors, all that you see in your life are nothing but several blobs on a white canvas. As you grow you keep coating the white with different shades, painting the panaroma of life with colors of your choice and sometimes the colors forced onto you. In the end it is nothing but white again -the absence of color, the symbol of nothingness.

A Trip To Past

Visiting Mumbai was long due.I had been postponing it for long …mostly for my own hesitation….but this time it was just perfect time to go…and revisit it all.i knew its going to be all different, there was no one waiting for me to come eagerly, checking up on me..train and details regularly, there was no one to talk unflaggingly..to plan, to cherish and to stroll out with,it was just not the same old summers..but well…Times have changed and I have to deal with it.I went with an empty heart…hoping to make room for new people; people who need me..some that I need.
I went with an open mind…leaving behind delhi..and its people..in an attempt to rediscover myself..find some answers..to renew the diminished spirit.Mumbai has always given me chance to learn new things..to grow a level ahead…to widen my vision..to be better.Mumbai is a perfect determiner of my growth as an individual…the most happy realistaions, transitions, wisdom and all that is important in one’s life has fortunately came across right in Mumbai.I like to be there..retrospect ..introspect and have a laugh about it!!! I feel life at its best…when in Mumbai..
That was it…I was in Mumbai…breathing life’s best simple moments…enjoying little more liberation…experimenting…creating memories…making the best of my space..

Fall of the chiseled soul

It was a usual day...the same mechanical..humdrum beginning of the day...same routine..same faces ..same urge to go back home and doze off….Yet another day of my rather useless..aimless..uncertain life.
Reached office…checked mails…investigated the bug in application recently reported by customer…..i dint know how long I worked….the grunge rock music that I have been introduced to lately seems to have worked wonders…helps me lose the track of time.It was 1 in the noon..and even the restlessness to smoke did not hitherto arouse.. what a trans!!!!... I went out to smoke anyway…I prefer taking the stairs all the way up to TOPMOST terrace…its peaceful this time of the day…
I lit my “Montana”, puffed…and muted the world for a minute…hate the voices in my head…the never stopping Brownian motion otherwise…
Why do I do this to myself??? Why have I turned into an indifferent bitch??why nothing and no one matters to me???i don’t smile often…don’t talk…don’t call and meet people…at the beginning I thought its just another phase…but hell…its not coming to end…its just going on and on…??Why?? Just because……
The cigarette finished…before the vortex of thoughts could sweep me off…
I went back to work…
As my clock struck 4.15..i packed my bags..cleaned the mess at my workstation..used tissues,coffee cups..chocolate wrappers..scribbled notes..and what not..anyways..now i just had to pass another 15 minutes...i browsed random sites..and then exactly on 4.25..my conscience gonged..”WINDOWS+L” and I was out.
I was the first to Board the bus, that’s what i prefer, hate to see their faces... hate to hear them talking..something owing to my growing bitterness for society…and anyways I had a long lonely retsless night yesterday occupied with equally commoving thoughts…so no point taking any chance
By the time people started buzzing in...I had my headphones in place…and..was in different world altogether..I did not realize how far I have reached when a jolt drew me out of my dreams.To my surprise there were hardly 3 people onboard tucked up in their seats..asleep. I looked out of the window…to exact the position of bus..we were at india gate…one of my favorite places in Delhi…I unlatched the window..and the gentle moist breeze unhesitating touched my face tangentially…it was so pleasant that I couldn’t help smiling..I slid the window glass wide open…to let it touch my soul…and cleanse it.
I offered it to absorb me…pleaded not to loathe me…not to go away and deprive me of this minuscule cheerful moment…and…in answer it started pouring down.
I let myself making most of it…respecting the moment that has arrived..celebrating life…and being plain happy….i decided to get down a mile before and take a walk home...it was just so beautiful…I was smiling to myself…enjoying the isolation.
I reached home…and unlike every other day..i did not hate myself for wasting another day…cribbing and sobbing how…I have lost the sense of living life and stopped dreaming...i did not end up sleeping over it… rather I made myself a cup of coffee…stood at the window…and watched the clouds and earth settling down…after downpour…
I couldnt help crying…the tears fell silently on my hand…I made no sound…tried not to hold it…I was crying after ages…..
i stood there until dark….with tears streaming down..and not willing to stop…why it had to end???Why it ceased so fast???

A Decade with you

Although we met in year 90 for the first time but i was only 4 then and barely remember anything about it. A decade passed when I met you again,December’99,in Mumbai, i was coughing ceaselessly…all night through, and you were kind enough to stay up and put me to sleep. I didn’t know then that it was actually a rendezvous with an angel. That very evening laid the foundation of the most important relationship of my life.

Our lives crossed each other at a perfect time, we both were young..curious..and gregarious.It all seem a plan of GOD now. Our next meeting which pulled us further close was here in Dilli…we were like a house on fire…we talked and talked and talked...availing every second given to us. With you, I swear I have had the most comforting…reassuring…and gratifying conversation ever. I was in your awe completely, you were a suave..talented..gifted..humble person and I was extremely delighted to have found you. With that started our custom to write to each other and of course frequent visits to Mumbai.

Because of you I grew fonder of Mumbai…everytime I sojourned in Mumbai…I learned more..grew more as an individual…as a woman…the place started to become a part of my dreams..so strong and vivid a dream that sometimes when I am completely empty…null…zero…nada,it s the only thing that brings me back to life , funny but those dreams are the very essence of my existence..with them I have beautifully carved out the picture of my life…Now tell me can I ever thank you enough for this?

With time I started to know you more..only to thank GOD to have blessed me with a friend in a form of cousin…”YOU”…PRATITH M GULVE.You were so overpowering that I tended to overlook just about everyone and everything around us.Noone really mattered when I had you around,I remember a day before my 18th birthday when you drove me home on bike...in a typical early rain showers of Mumbai…when we talked all the way through. It was an important day…and I was hell nervous…for I was going to face my past again…and to top it all I couldn’t share with anyone…the feeling…which was sending jitters through my body, but your presence…your mere presence got me through it....smoothly.Ans the best part is i didn't have to utter a thing to you.

Next few years weren’t too easy…life wasn’t too fair...and we both had our share of roadblocks to clear...I started to lose my charm…started to remain lost…drifted to an undesirable iteration of events…subjected to fate and destiny and you got struck with you own plethora of problems … but we managed to be in touch even then. Naturally when I finally chose to hit the bottom so as to rise again..i chose Mumbai….i wanted to go as down as possible…and I did.. I plunged myself deep unaware that you had held me through an invisible string.No wonder..i rebounded...rebounded miraculously.

Life was beautiful again…I was living my dreams…was bubbling with joy…and was so so occupied…that I overlooked you too.You caught TB meanwhile…I was sure…you will take a hop and be alright…as slowly you too were coming in terms with life.You were so strong that you could even make sense out of suffering.I had all plans to come and spend pleasant evenings with you …chatting away..over a cup of coffee.…have tequila with you…click pics with you…go places with you…It was all set, only I never could actually come there and do it all…I thought it could wait…I procrastinated it…
Not even in my deadliest dreams had I ever thought that I was actually loosing you…I was like…Oh c’mon why would I lose you??? You aren’t going anywhere…baah!!! What an ignorant!!!


Location: Aane Gaav,Maharashtra.

And before I could realize..and be by your side…you gave up!!!! Just like that…End of it…End of you…I asked you to hold on…I was coming…I was coming… it was a matter of a week… but…
One day you were here…right here…and another day….
Kuch sochne samajhne ka mauka bhi nahi diya…U taught me everything…but why did u have to teach me handle this…handle death
Last time I saw you…I kissed you good bye…all flesh and blood and next time…..How so unfair Bhaiya!!!
I do not know how to live without talking to you….where do I send my letters to??? Where do I call??Its a terrible thing to know…that I can’t reach to you anymore…We were supposed to grow up together….weren’t we?? Why did u have to leave so soon???
It all sucks without you….You were…and you will always be my closest friend…my teacher…my savior.
Do you have any clue…how much I love you.And the regret that I did not come to see you…after you repeatedly asked me to, do you know how big a burden that is…for the rest of my life.
I thought I lost many things in life….but FUDGE!!!!!!!...loosing you…is the biggest loss of my life!!!
A decade just a decade…..was all GOD had planned...but…for me…it is a lifetime.You are not going anywhere…you are alive here in my heart…in my dreams…in my memories. I would have been truly blessed that i got a chance to know you and be a part of your life.
I will do all you would have wanted me to do…and entrusted me to take care of….i will shine and make you proud!!

Render myself to miss you my whole life…be back soon my bhaiya!!!!